The Grime

Life as we know it has drastically changed.

How dare you oppose me when I'm righteously enraged.

We're all related by blood yet you've thrown us under the bus.

I never did anything wrong to any of you even when your only value to me were dust.

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If I could legally dispose of you, I don’t mind doing it personally.

After all, it’s not like there’s any shortage in our family’s genealogy.

The very last trace of your life, I want to be the one to snuff them out.

You all lived too long enough with all your greed and debauchery that it made you stout.

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I lost so much because of humans being typically vile, evil and all.

Like the kings in Chronicles, I want to plunder my enemies, make them suffer and fall.

Someone said I already have so much of what I want – wrong!

Some of what I want to do will end me in prison before long.

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I’m expressing it all a tiny bit lest I end up insane.

Suppressing my violent and malevolent wrath has slightly numbed my pain.

If only I can act out my thoughts without any life-changing repercussions or a logical barrier.

I would be a criminal but ironically free from smothering my anger.

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With my careful, organized and introspective nature, I’m unafraid of the crime.

I do fear getting caught and dragging my life further to the grime.

God, perhaps you should’ve returned earlier, is there still light in my eyes?

I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied until every last one of them dies.

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How long do I pay for the consequences of someone else’s foolish and evil actions.

When will you provide these people justified sanctions?

I am bound to think, think, think about this all until my mind is torn asunder.

I frankly think the charge to multiply the evil-prone humanity is a blunder.

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Copyright

Star Ashley Cruz

April 16, 2025

Bloodbath

 

Half and Half

If there's no chance for my hopes and dreams, maybe I should advance my death.

It's so tiring having my wants and needs always being unmet.

I thought a good character and proper morals could make me one day wealthy.

But all this hard work didn't yield to my dreams coming true, it just made me empty.

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I used to huff at a person who sold off their soul.

Now I somehow understand that it's what they felt that could make them whole.

Ironically, this makes them hallowed out because the world has eaten them away.

It's hard for underprivileged poor people to achieve anything without sacrifices along the way.

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Another irony is that people with loose morals have a better life than me.

Why am I even working hard to do good when being evil is more free?

You hold the universe in your hands, how come my life is nowhere near fine?

Was I wrong to think that I'm one of yours, and that you are mine?

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People who barely know you are blessed, favored with convenience from left to right.

While I'm left alone to wallow in despair, suffering and extreme fright.

Am I insignificant to be cared for by you?

Are your promises only applied to a select few?

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I wish I was loved enough to be blessed with nice things.

But I'm only poked with fiery envy on my chest and it stings.

Lord, I don't have anything - I thought you would fill me!

But I've become worse - half empty but half full of acrimony.

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Copyright

Star Ashley Cruz

Feb. 2, 2025 

Merely Surviving

Another year that I’m still here

Problems catching up behind me, I fear.

Am I supposed to learn something from this perpetual hardship

When I can’t even afford a house ownership?

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Dying is massively more practical than living.

I’m so tired of a life wherein I’m merely surviving.

God can give blessings, but he can take away.

But what if you only had little to begin with, anyway?

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They say hard work pays off, well, not in this generation and economy!

It’s not easy when you’re carrying something heavy on your shoulders – an entire family!

A dead father, a sick mother, and an unemployed brother.

To hope or dream about my own life and goals, I don’t have time to bother!

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Sacrificing my own happiness, what do I even gain?

There’s only unending sorrow and agonizing pain.

Nothing. Nothing feels even the tiniest bit rewarding.

Tell me, God, why should I even go on living?

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I know, I know – I should carry my cross every day.

But I’m no savior, it’s too heavy for me in every way.

I know you can bless other people, that ability is true.

Can you please, please, please do that for us too?

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It’s just the beginning of the year and I already want my life to end.

I wish you’ll come to our aid and that favor; you’ll send.

I’m starting to think that others are right with life having no meaning.

That adversity has no lesson at times and is just sheer suffering.

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Copyright

Star Ashley Cruz

Jan. 21, 2025

All I wanted by Paramore (cover)