Cream Melon Soda

 

Stop

I'm not as important as I thought myself to be.

They only 'love' me when they have some use for me.

What happens when I'm exhausted and can't do anything anymore?

Will they be by my side when I'm finally at death's door?

-

Probably not. Even surrounded by them, I'm still always alone.

I wish I am dead, so I can finally be done.

I labor at work and at home, I've never had rest.

I've never experienced life's so called 'zest.'

-

I tried so hard for a future I want, but still out of reach.

Dead God, I don't want to learn whatever shit you're trying to teach.

You reward my hard work with exhaustion and pain.

Nothing great or good is what I could only gain.

-

Life is cruel and all I ever did is devoid of meaning.

I don't understand then what's the purpose of still existing?

Perpetually tired of a non-rewarding life makes me want to give up.

I wish there was a way for all of this to simply stop.

-

Copyright

Star Ashley Cruz

May 23, 2026

True love is helping get rid of evidence

 

So easy (to fall in love) by Olivia Dean - cover

On hold

Brand new year yet it’s the same old unanswered prayer.

One step closer to meeting my maker.

Yet life’s meaning evades my grasp more so than yesterday.

I keep losing the will to live every single day.

-

God, are you sadistic that you enjoy when I suffer?

You know everything about me, I’m so blunt I don’t stutter.

How cruel of you to withhold the smallest of my dreams.

You bless people who don’t even know you more than me, it seems.

-

The more elusive success is, the more my faith will waver.

Am I supposed to be put on hold forever?

All this fatigue and hard work, are they merely excrement?

All my efforts in life, are they only to cause me resentment?

-

A bitter and black heart, I wonder how it came to be?

Probably because nothing profoundly good has ever happened to me.

Is this how you treat children who are supposedly special to you?

I have no fulfillment, no matter what efforts I do.

-

I drown in so many thoughts that I loathe waking up every morning.

Every night I wish for a relief of my life finally ending.

To hope is to expect and unmet expectations bring me pain.

The very reality of being alive is driving me insane.

-

Suffering has far outweighed the little joys I sometimes achieve.

I thought I was numbed by sorrow, no – who am I trying to deceive?

How I wish to stop yearning, dreaming, planning and not attaining anything.

I feel insignificant enough to be fine with disappearing or dying.

-

Copyright

Star Ashley Cruz

Jan. 7, 2026