Brand new year yet it’s the same old unanswered prayer.
One step closer to meeting my maker.
Yet life’s meaning evades my grasp more so than yesterday.
I keep losing the will to live every single day.
-
God, are you sadistic that you enjoy when I suffer?
You know everything about me, I’m so blunt I don’t stutter.
How cruel of you to withhold the smallest of my dreams.
You bless people who don’t even know you more than me, it
seems.
-
The more elusive success is, the more my faith will waver.
Am I supposed to be put on hold forever?
All this fatigue and hard work, are they merely excrement?
All my efforts in life, are they only to cause me
resentment?
-
A bitter and black heart, I wonder how it came to be?
Probably because nothing profoundly good has ever happened
to me.
Is this how you treat children who are supposedly special to
you?
I have no fulfillment, no matter what efforts I do.
-
I drown in so many thoughts that I loathe waking up every
morning.
Every night I wish for a relief of my life finally ending.
To hope is to expect and unmet expectations bring me pain.
The very reality of being alive is driving me insane.
-
Suffering has far outweighed the little joys I sometimes
achieve.
I thought I was numbed by sorrow, no – who am I trying to
deceive?
How I wish to stop yearning, dreaming, planning and not
attaining anything.
I feel insignificant enough to be fine with disappearing or
dying.
-
Copyright
Star Ashley Cruz
Jan. 7, 2026
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