All I wanted by Paramore (cover)

 

Eldest Daughter

I’m the eldest daughter, I could probably afford to move out

If I didn’t have to feed other useless people’s mouth.

Ever incompetent, they always find ways to make things hard for me.

Hard to believe other people actually enjoy building a family.

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A dead father meant I’m the new man of the house.

Oh great, more responsibilities I can endlessly browse.

How difficult to be an adult when I was only in my teens without any support or training.

Oh what a relief it would be to leave everyone by instantly dying.

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Unfulfilled dreams, missed opportunities and wasted potential.

Need I say more to justify my inner mind being suicidal?

I can’t believe I envy people having things handed to them on a silver platter

Without having to even lift a finger to obtain things that don’t even matter.

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I’m logical and efficient but being sandwiched by problems can take their toll.

A little more nudge and my head might actually roll.

I’d rather be alone than be locked in this cage,

Burning all the time from holding on to my boiling rage.

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Life’s difficulties tend to find me within firing range.

I wonder what it’s like to have someone to rely on and take care of me for a change.

I desire solitude but it’s only because everyone has made me perpetually exhausted.

I only have one life but it’s so tiring to make sure it’s not painfully wasted.

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Copyright

Star Ashley Cruz

Dec. 14, 2024

 

Miserable

The cost of living is so expensive that dying seems like a relief.

Thinking of my dreams and basic needs cause me grief.

A small home and a family of two,

That’s all I ask but can’t afford even at thirty-two.

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I was only sixteen when my father passed away.

Life became difficult and bleak every single day.

Just when we’re starting to rise above, my mother became sick and incapable.

And my younger brother is now unemployed and useless, it makes me miserable.

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The world just keeps getting heavier on my dislocated shoulder.

Can anyone tell me, how do I become more numb and colder?

Why do I still hold on, when all the good things are unattainable?

I just want to be free from my overwhelming thoughts and not be miserable.

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My diligence, perseverance and hard work does not pay.

Even worse, I now question why I still pray.

So many people don’t know You but they have a better life than me.

My lack of success has made me perpetually cynical and unhappy.

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I don’t have anyone or even anything.

What’s even the point of still existing?

Life is only great for those who waste it on foolishness and debauchery.

While I spend my fortune on the bare minimum and cheap mediocrity.

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I wonder what it’s like to afford feeling special and important?

What’s it like not even noticing a problem as big as an elephant?

Ignorance is bliss for people having things handed to them on a silver platter.

While here I am, thinking everything I ever did and being alive don’t even matter.

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Time waits for no one, but my low tier goals are still outside my reach.

What lesson is there that life is even trying to teach?

Sometimes I just want to give up and die as my efforts feel like they have no meaning.

I’m not sure how long I can even survive this pathetic feeling.

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Copyright

Star Ashley Cruz

Oct. 26, 2024

Running away from problems is running around in circles

 

Don't provoke quiet girls