My shallow heart

Only the wealthy can afford everything nice.
Happiness and the good life comes in an expensive price.
In reality, it's no one's fault that my life's not that way.
But I still shift the blame on those who made me exist anyway.
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Why can't I just be content?
Getting everything I want is my internal intent.
I wish my heart would stop yearning for more
Because if I don't achieve them, I don't want to live anymore.
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Why, my heart are you so shallow?
God's love suddenly feels too hard to swallow.
My selfishness and sorrow, please take it away!
So I can genuinely praise and worship you everyday.
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I question the plans you have for me
Just because I don't get them instantly.
I become more and more of a disappointment to you.
I pray instead that your better plans for me will come true.
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Do you still love me? I know that you do.
But it doesn't feel enough, which is sad but true.
All day long I wallow in misguided desires and self-pity.
If this drags on, will I even make it to thirty?
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Copyright
Star Ashley Cruz
Mar. 9 2019