Sinking Deeper

I know it's temporary - earthly treasures and wealth
But I want them badly that it saps my mental health.
If only these were not the desires of my heart
Maybe I wouldn't be so miserable from the start.
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The poison I'm fighting with started within,
I still feel empty even when God is filling me in.
I'm envious and angry with the people I know,
Thinking that they have a better tomorrow.
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Sinking deeper into negative thoughts is all it is for me,
Realizing that I'm not allowed to be happy.
Other people's lives are evidently better than mine
While I'll always have to settle with "bad" or "fine."
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The usual comparison of lives are already tiring
But that's where my mind is always racing.
God, please help me before I lose my head.
My life would be unfulfilled and I'll be dead.
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I'm getting tired of praying and waiting.
I'm sorry that it seems to others you are more caring.
Please comfort me again with the promises you have for me.
My glass is full of blessings but it only feels half empty.
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Copyright
Star Ashley Cruz
Feb. 25, 2019