Deuteronomy 8:17-18

He did all this so you would never say to yourself, 'I have achieved this wealth with my own strength and energy.' Remember the Lord your God. He is the one who gives you power to be successful, in order to fulfill the covenant he confirmed to your ancestors with an oath.

Who and what am I depending on? My work? My salary? My Job title?

Because of the pandemic, working stopped abruptly. My new job was no more. It was a blessing from God that I prayed for and he granted it. But it was taken away. I never wanted to be vacant in terms of employment that I made certain to resign only when I was confirmed to start with my new work. I did not want to be vacant in terms of receiving salary, it seems.

Now, I have no actual and concrete resources. I kept failing job applications. Money was tight. I even blame myself because I had insufficient finances to provide the medical needs of my pet that eventually lead to his death. I felt like using a lot of my savings should've helped him live, but it didn't.

I couldn't help thinking that maybe I was being punished for my sins. But surely, God is merciful! And that Christ took my sins upon him already.

What is God teaching me in this season of uncertainty and hopelessness?

What I learned from my experiences is that I need to depend on God in all aspects of life. My concerns, my worries, etc. My security isn't in my salary, as evidently experienced now. I pray that God will not abandon me. I truly need him.

Journal entry of May 8, 2021