Nails

Sometimes I want to die just so I can finally have some rest!

Being away from everyone and everything sounds absolutely the best.

It seems that from minor to major hardships, I want to give up.

Does that mean my faith in you shall fully stop?

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But I do not want my life to just end that way!

I still pray to fulfill my purpose and look back on a meaningful life someday!

I thought being alone inside my head will make me fine.

But instead, I’m crushed by these heavy thoughts of mine.

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I must be a masochist, letting myself endure so much pain.

I always think it must be a treasure, what I’ll gain.

I always work hard towards my goal and desired result.

I’m not even there yet and I’m tired. Is it all my fault?

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Tell me God, do you like blessing other people but me?

They receive everything I want, sometimes even for free!

While here I am, aging and toiling away to death.

But I still want to look at all the promises you’ve kept.

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Are these the same nails digging into my skin?

But I’m not like you, my patience is beyond wearing thin.

I know this life is evanescent, but still!

I hoped some dreams wouldn’t at least be too hard to fulfill.

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Look at the people around me, they got their life together.

Mine is embarrassing and can cause hideous laughter.

I’m still trying to find my way out of this darkness.

Please don’t leave me to be devoured by this madness.

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Copyright

Star Ashley Cruz

May 30, 2023