I'm so tired and I wanted to give up on everything.
But you reach out your hand, the grip became everlasting!
I'm disgusted with my heart as dark as coal.
It is filled with nothing good and has a hole.
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But why do you fill it with undeserved love?
Your blood is streaming down to fill it from above.
You're trying to set me free and that's the ultimate bliss!
But why do I instead tend to still find things amiss?
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I'm caught between my high horse and having my face down the ground.
When will I be perfected like you so I can please you and not be hell bound?
I don't want to bring you shame and disappointment.
Change me to be perfect in whatever assignment.
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The state of my life right now, is it merely the work of the enemy?
I don't want it to be my forever reality!
I want my life to have more than just constant exhaustion.
I want your love, peace and never-ending redemption.
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I know I'm selfish, I'm asking so much from you.
But in this wilderness, you're the only one who can help me through.
And you're so big, you hold the universe in your hand!
From nothing you designed me so surely, only you can understand!
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Are these part of your will, the desires of my heart?
It's hard to achieve, I don't even know how or where to start.
Oh this must be the irony of our free will.
Even the seemingly right desires and plans are hard to fulfill.
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Copyright
Star Ashley Cruz
Aug. 5, 2023
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