Empty Husk

I didn’t catch feelings; I’ve caught a disease.

My heart deceived me, I’m weak in the knees.

Even when I try to make you listen to what I say

I am merely dismissed in every way.

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Should I busy myself just so I won’t dwell inside my head

To the point of exhaustion until I’m finally dead?

Why are we together if I’m not important to you?

You’re not doing anything special to make it look like  your love is true.

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It’s been more than a decade, how long am I placed on hold?

When I raise this concern, I’m just thrown out into the cold.

Oh what a dream it is to just instantly die

Just so I wouldn’t need to prepare for a possible good bye.

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Perhaps it’s unfortunate that we’ve ever met.

Because since then, my love for you has been set.

My loyalty, devotion and love didn’t bring me my desired result.

Instead, I’m left to wait uncertainly and shrug off this insult.

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If only I can finally lose my heart and stop questioning if you care.

Hopefully by then, there won’t be any love for me to share.

By then I’ll be an empty husk but at least I’ll be free.

After all, I’m never certain if you’ll even try to chase after me.

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I desired success but it’s failure that holds me down.

A foolish pauper thinking I could one day have a crown.

If this is all life can offer while I’m still here

Then I would just rather die to let go of all things I hold dear.

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Copyright

Star Ashley Cruz

Feb. 21, 2024