Itching needs

The people I know are moving ahead
While I'm stuck here thinking I'm better off dead.
It seems there's nothing in store for me.
When will I ever be satisfied and happy?
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I'm left behind while they got their lives together.
Am I supposed to feel worthless forever?
I'm just an empty shell of nothingness,
Hopelessly pursuing some self-happiness.
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Am I really not meant for earthly joys?
Because I end up sad in any chance or choice.
I'm selfishly unhappy for other people's success.
My envy and jealousy are in extreme excess.
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Maybe there was some kind of glitch,
That made my family no longer rich.
That's why I can't afford to buy these itching needs,
And it made me reluctant to do any good deeds.
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Now I'm really afraid of what lies tomorrow
Because today, I'm already drowning in sorrow.
God, I want to trust the plans you have for me
But all I feel is my depressing melancholy.
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I receive blessings but there's still a hole in my chest.
My earthly desires just don't give me rest.
It feels like my spirit is constantly torn.
How I wish I was never even born.
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Copyright Star Ashley Cruz
Feb. 24, 2019