Harrowed

My life is tattered as my ripped jeans
An endless cycle of repeating from sins.
Being a failure at everything is how I feel.
I can't help feeling even though it's not real.
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Feeling rejected, I look forward to my own death.
Lacking security, everything to me is a threat.
I trusted him but he said one thing and did the other.
I should've trusted you instead, Abba, Father
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It's partly my fault then, each time I'm shattered.
I loved and trusted someone in my life, who truly mattered.
But all the wrongs he did are nailed to my head.
It's hard to forget, I still wished I was dead.
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Forgiving is equally hard as forgetting.
Both of which are bringing me pain and suffering.
So many apologies but lesser obvious actions
Causing me to keep going back to my initial reactions.
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If only these things didn't happen today
Then we could o back to what we were yesterday.
Please help me Lord, what must I learn from this?
My mind is already harrowed by this perishable disease.
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Copyright
Star Ashley Cruz
July 30 2019