Swarming Flies

I thought I’d get used to these thoughts by now

That the pain it brings would lessen somehow.

Tell me, does your chest hurts too, when you think of good byes

Or is it only me who has tears in the eyes?

-

I did and changed it for the better as you requested.

I still kept planning for our future but now I’m exhausted.

No return from all my investment, hard work, and sacrifice.

Maybe deep inside, I’ll never be good enough in your eyes.

-

Ironic that you say I’m always perfect.

Yet my value to you feels lower than of an insect.

You adversely dismiss my feelings like they’re swarming flies.

I’m still waiting patiently until my love for you dies.

-

My undying loyalty and devotion to you,

Over the decade I know you know that it’s true.

How heavy my heart is that it’s always me taking initial action.

When my needs are expressed, sadly just causes unwanted friction.

-

You, and a part of me does think it might be all in my head.

If that’s true, why do I still constantly wish I was dead?

Life isn’t just unfair and unkind to you, you know.

But unlike you, I still dare work hard for my desired tomorrow.

-

I know expression isn’t your expertise but I wish it shows in what you do.

That you actually desire me to be in your life too.

But maybe you’ll just see this as unworthy or a desperate plea.

If only I knew that right from the start, then I’d leave you be.

-

Maybe I really am just not that important to you.

I wish I was gone, either way, I’ll never know if it’s true.

Like persistent flies, my love just won’t die even with a pesticide.

Continuing to love you, now feels more like suicide.

-

Copyright

Star Ashley Cruz

Sept. 21, 2023