"What's wrong?"

I don't wanna write you another song,

because it will only feel very wrong.

Flowers and chocolates would be asking too much

And you'll feel pressured and stressed by such.

-

"What's wrong?'' You're always asking,

Aren't you tired of not listening?

All these things for someone you love ,

Must I pray for, beyond the skies above?

-

I thought that you really love me

So giving me what I ask is easy,

But why does it seem like a burden to you,

To make some of my wishes come true?

-

Simple things and requests to make me and you happy,

Is it such a heavy burden to carry?

Things that show how much you love and care,

I wish didn't give you so much scare.

-

I wrote this letter and poem but I didn't feel sorry,

Because I've agonized on the same hundredth apology

But I don't believe that I have done wrong,

Because all I've asked are things to make this relationship strong.

-

I honestly don't know what to do.

Can we ever get our love through?

I wish you'll help me fix all this mess

And not end up loving me less.

-

Now I hope you understand my point of view

And you'll stop being angry at me too.

To prevent everything in us to fall apart,

please give me an answer that will not break my heart.

-

Copyright Star Ashley Cruz

Nov. 22,2014

"Walking Anarchy (Wayward daughter)"

You have driven me down the mud,
I pray for your destruction by my God.
Upon yourselves, you have brought this,
Anarchy, deceit and death in my list.
-
Indeed you have twisted my kindness,
Now I wallow in this very madness.
If only I can shed your blood.
For all the good you've shown is fraud.
-
Die!Die!Die! Let hell swallow you up,
Be in the devil's drinking cup.
Forever you will die in torment and torture
And I drank it all, all of it, the only cure.
-
I want to see your skin ripped apart,
Feed your organs to the dogs and smash your heart,
You and yur family to die infront of your eyes,
For you are filthy, all of you are lies.
-
My Father will forgive me though I have sinned.
He knows everything that he has also seen,
That you are all evil and have fed me,
that same medicine, but I am not worthy.
-
I will be cleansed once again,
I'll be back to my normal self by then.
But all of you would be annihilated by that time
For humiliating me is an unforgivable crime.
-
I am now the walking anarchy,
Only the Christ can ever save me
For I knowHe loves his wayward daughter,
Even at times she loses her laughter.
-
Copyright Star Ashley Cruz
November 8 2014

Faulty little creation

Funny how I used to run away
From anything the Bible has to say.
But now it became my basis for everything
And its promises made my life worth living.
-
This doesn't mean my life is full of perfection,
I am still a faulty little creation.
For sometimes I catch a glimpse of my ghostly past.
My feet gets caught up and I couldn't run fast.
-
Those are the times I couldn't escape from my sin.
Then I realized that they were living from within.
I felt disgusted and ashamed that I wanted to die.
I'll always fall short and sin no matter how hard I try.
-
Angry, because I could not reach my own perfectly created standard.
Frustrated from working hard to get what I want but still ending up haggard.
I give up and cry to God for help with my giant ordeals.
Then comes great comfort and peace, His grace refills.
-
I can never fully understand how he can love someone like me,
Who's an evil, self-centered walking tragedy
Going through the scorching desert heat of life's constant hardships.
But God's the oasis that can hold an entire fleet of ships.
-
Copyright Star Ashley Cruz
September 24 2017

Ezekiel 36:26

Ezekiel 36:26Contemporary English Version (CEV)

26 I will take away your stubborn heart and give you a new heart and a desire to be faithful. You will have only pure thoughts,

binge drawing 8/5/17

Universe in her hands

Avril

Caught in between

His perfect child

I wonder what joy God has in store for me,

For right now, I’m so blinded by my misery.

My soul so dark and heart so cold,

I’m not that good, so I’ve been told.

–

I don’t know where else should I go,

It feels like only death can end sorrow.

But God is good, so there is hope

In this life, He will help me cope.

–

I always pray to be his perfect child,

But my evil desires are not really mild.

God is definitely a never-ending mystery.

I can’t fully grasp how he can love someone like me.

–

How can he love a wicked mind like mine,

That thinks nothing in this life will ever be fine?

I’m so thankful I cry a river of tears,

Help me O Lord to overcome all my fears.

–

Copyright Star Ashley Cruz

July 30, 2017

Someone like me

Rich or poor; saint or sinner, God loves us all the same.
He gave his Son to die for all, so we’ll be free from guilt and shame.
-
How can he love someone like me, who drowned herself in selfish melancholy?
If he can love someone like me, he can definitely love anybody.
-
July 25, 2017
Copy right Star Ashley Cruz

binge drawing July 23-24 2017

Galaxy Girl

UniCornelia

I went to the Art fest in Manila Yesterday and I got a lot of inspiration and ideas on my art so here it is.

binge drawing again

princey princess

grim reaper in training

rape victim

highschool sweethearts

bishonen

Passing Phases

I want to ask God why, why, why
Bad things happen no matter how hard I try.
But it's not God's fault why my life is like this,
I can't wait to be in his promised bliss.
-
It's not his fault that evil, pain and sorrow is everywhere,
It's very much out of his character not to care.
But my future still troubles me-my fear of the unknown,
For my possessions, treasures and comfort zone is not my own.
-
I want to fully trust you but my human limitations hinder me.
If only you'd take hard times away but you're not a genie.
My deficiencies are preventing me from putting you in my mind first.
Saturate me in your living water so that I'll never thirst.
-
I want to honor you but with my problems, I can't.
My anger and frustration, I don't know where else to vent.
My prayers are more complaints and lesser praises
So I pray that my troubles are all passing phases.
-
Copyright Star Ashley Cruz
June  12 2017

My Maiden Dream

More the six years into the relationship, we’re going strong,

Please don’t let anything go gravely wrong.

For you are the one who planted this desire in my heart,

You are the Lord and my Father right from the start.

 -

Our journey seems like it is taking so long,

But I’m sure you’re creating in us a beautiful love song.

After all, you’re the one who brought us together,

Keep our love blooming like then, now and forever.

 -

Hardships and sorrows may be inevitable,

But your promises are more so unbreakable.

Please grant us your grace into having our own vows,

Help us someday build our home and not just a house.

 -

A tire goes by, I am growing older,

The fire in my soul is getting colder,

Trials and difficulties are causing me to lose hope,

I need you every day in my life to cope.

 -

Let your love cast out any fear,

You know the weight of my every tear.

You alone can grant favor and provision we need.

You know every prayer of mine before you even take heed.

Star Ashley Cruz

Feb. 24, 2017 artworks (binge drawing)

Left to right:

Half smile
Summer Girls
Enjoying the view
Depression

Insignificant little me

I'm never really mature for my age,
They don't understand, it fills me with rage.
It's ironic because I tend to hate life so much
But I have a lot of good memories I keep in touch.
-
Some people can enjoy the simplicity of any thing,
While I worry or complain about everything.
I hate being misunderstood, but I don't understand myself,
If only I can organize my brain inside a shelf.
-
But God is so mindful of the insignificant little me,
Suddenly my life no longer seems like an endless tragedy.
His humility gave warmth to my frostbitten spirit,
His word is the truth and I know it.
-
In life, I am easily touched by sadness, 
Because I don't always experience happiness.
These are just some of the weird things about me,
At awe of how Jesus can love yours truly.
-
Copyright Star Ashley Cruz
Dec. 31 2016

see full book here

Savoring God's goodness

Failure. It's the exact opposite of success. Nobody wants failure, right? But I believe that one cannot experience success without failing first. Success is determined by the weight of the failure.

No one really gets encouraged by stories of failures. Normally people don't really talk about personal failures but here I am doing the exact opposite! Like everyone, I too failed on several occasions that made me question my own credibility. There are also times that my failures in life drowned me in misery. My perpetual failure was getting hold of my sanity. But then I realized that in this life, things like these really happen. The only way to cope up with it was to trust God.

For the Lord will be your confidence, and will keep your foot from being caught. - Proverbs 3:26

God knows us best. He loves us no matter what. If our foot is caught and caused us to fall down, God is there to help us up. Just as a father would help his young child learn how to walk. God too is our Father. He wants to lead us to righteousness. 

Failure is like the food we eat - It's not always the same. If it doesn't taste good, we can ask God to cook for us, and savor the goodness he served for us.

Down the aisle

Love can be an endless sound of sorrow,

If we can’t prepare for tomorrow,

How I pray to God every day and night,

That He’ll help us with all His Might.

-

So many years we’ve been together

I keep praying it will be forever.

I hope and pray that it is His will,

Because the agony of losing you I don’t want to feel.

-

I’m pouring my thoughts but it will never end,

A broken heart will not be easy to mend.

I want you to plan our future now,

So I will be relieved somehow.

-

Both our lives seem so lonely and hopeless.

Our sorrows also seem so endless.

But I thank you because you make everything worthwhile.

I pray that someday you’ll be walking with me down the aisle.

-

December 14, 2016

Copyright Star Ashley Cruz

https://www.wattpad.com/story/29923556-r-i-p-radical-immortal-poetry

Days I didn't feel worthy

What on earth am I here for?

I want to walk out on life's door.

Nothing on earth brings me joy,

I'm starting to think I'm God's little toy

-

A cycle of work to pay for never-ending bills,

I hate these things, they don't give me thrills.

The evil people prosper yet how come I do not?

Can't even afford food or meds, I'm beginning to rot.

-

I'm so angry, I lash out on every person I see,

It's so frustrating to see others are okay or happy.

While I am down here but my dreams are flying away.

I guess that's how unfair life goes anyway.

-

Lord, I'm pouring my heart out towards you.

I admit, I'm slightly feeling better too.

My emotions were getting more powerful than me.

Please pull me out of this deep misery.

-

What I don't understand is why you're keeping me alive,

It seems you always give me a chance to obey and thrive.

Why did you have to love somebody like me?

These are the days I didn't feel worthy.

Copyright Star Ashley Cruz.

November 19 2016

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice." - Ephesians 4:31

God's revelation to me:

- I have been stubborn in doing evil.

- Money was my security, not God.

- I wanted my will, not  God's will.

read my full book via wattpad :)

The Wedding day Poem

I’ve never recited a poem to a crowd,

because I believe I can’t be proud

Of the words I utter and speak,

Because I act strong but I’m really weak.

–

I thank you, Lord for this day,

helping me think of what to say

As I reminisce through the years

that passed since I wrote this.

–

I always dreamed of becoming a wife,

just a few of the things I want in life,

Besides the man who will say “I do,”

Also took me right out of the blue.

–

I’ll end this now, for I might cry

Because to my surname, I’ll say good bye,

But hello to the man I’ll look in the eye,

Forever until the day I die.

–

September 29 2012

–

Dedicated to my future husband.

Still contemplating whether to include in my future wedding.

check out my full book here! :)

my latest sketch: "dream"

more drawings and paintings of mine here :)

Lies from the enemy?

I'm running out of things to be thankful for,

I yearn for luxury, convenience and more.

Though I receive countless blessings everyday,

Difficulties and pain still finds its way.

-

My life sometimes loses its sense of purpose,

I feel like a clown in an empty circus.

I don't want to die but I'm not happy being born,

For life itself causes my spirit to be torn.

-

The friends I can trust are lesser than my fingers,

Superficial optimism really hinders

The understanding of me, even by relatives and family.

So help me Lord, before I believe more lies from the enemy.

-

Is it a lie, that life itself is completely against me?

That hardships also happen to everybody?

It's so cliche' to say that life is unfair,

That's why for me, it's hard to bear.

-

I beg you for grace, Oh Lord the King,

I feel small, fragile and worth nothing.

My heart's so heavy from the weight of sadness,

Please don't let me drown in madness.

-

August 20 2016

Copyright Star Ashley Cruz

read my full book here!

my latest artworks as of today

this is inspired from playing Arcane Soul :)

Elf Archer

Female warrior

more artworks of mine here!