God, I give up, I’m leaving the rest to you,
Nothing I’ll ever do is coming through.
Why am I ever born in such a horrible and toxic family?
Then you expect “love your neighbor” from me.
-
A toxic unteachable mother and a deceased father
Who brought death upon himself, what a bother.
Add an overly dramatic, alcoholic-victim-playing brother in
the fray.
I dream of peace upon breaking away from all them someday.
-
I find solace in times of my solitude.
Suffering mental health, they’ve given me a multitude.
If only I can afford to live on my own
But it’s impossible even if all my savings are thrown.
-
I don’t know what to do with all this anger and resentment.
I thought it was sleeping and buried under deep cement.
But this demonic family just kept shoveling away,
Triggering me to explode when I tried to keep mum every day.
-
Ever since I was young, all I asked is for a happy family.
Now I want to leave them and make a real one for me.
But if I can’t marry the one I want it with,
Then a family consisting of myself alone is a better fit.
-
Why am I born into such a difficult state?
Please tell me, is this my fate?
Where is it? I beg you, please spare me some grace! I need
your grace.
Are you going to kill me? Take my away, I want to see your
face.
-
Sometimes, I feel like I just want to end it all.
I can’t even see a good future after all.
Am I only meant for suffering and sorrow?
That gives me no motivation to be alive tomorrow.
-
Why did they have to give birth to me?
Letting me die unborn would’ve been better for me.
Escapism isn’t what I usually promote
But in this case feels like the only antidote.
-
My thoughts and feelings written on paper
But not even that makes me feel better.
I miss the good old boring and neutral times.
Wherein I don’t have to think of sad little rhymes.
-
I emptied myself for now.
Before it all comes back again somehow.
Help me God, I beg you, please take it all away.
I don’t want to keep thinking of taking my own life someday.
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Copyright
Star Ashley Cruz
Nov. 23, 2020
